Rat Bastard

My hatred of rodents is well-known.

Therefore, I try to live my life in such a way that rodents never cross my path. To each his beady-eyed own.

And then SOMEBODY moved in. Somebody with a cavalier attitude towards rodents:

"Baby. There are mice everywhere. Just because you can't see them..." "Whatever. You already had mice, so me dropping one piece of dog food did not cause this." "Ha Ha Ha. Look at all the mouse poop."

Yes, Somebody thinks that mice are just a fact of life. Un-unh. No way. Not here. So, I keep reiterating my mouse-free mantras:
Don't spill dog food! Don't leave the garbage on the back porch -- take it out to the can!

and Somebody ignores me.

Saturday morning, I take the dogs outside for a little backyard romp after breakfast. I get the snow shovel ("Could you put that away since the snow is long gone?") and start shoveling the mountains of poo from the dogs.

The dogs who keep running up onto the porch and sniffing around the garbage bag.

So I call them back down and go back to shoveling. The dogs run back up on the porch and suddenly, out of the bag opening ("Can you remember to tie the bag closed when you take it out?") explodes an 8" long (not counting tail!) rat who leaps off the porch, runs crazily at me, and then cuts a hard right into the bushes. Where he is chased by Boom. For the record, Pullo stayed on the porch just looking tough.

I screamed. Somebody came running out of the house in his underwear. And then started laughing when I explained the horrible event that had just occurred.

Tell all your single friends, obeying anti-rodent rules is MANDATORY for all.


XO, JamieSmitten